In a handbasket.

Whilst I often make sweeping derisive assumptions about menfolk and have been known to post horrifically misandrous Facebook statuses, generally I like to be courteous and respectful even if you do have a penis.

So I found myself in an awkward position today when one of my work colleagues handed in his month’s notice and thereby decided now was the time to tell me he’s secretly in love with me. Or more accurately, told the receptionist that he was going to tell me, at which point she hurriedly passed the information on to me so I could lock myself in the ladies bathroom for the rest of the day. You can’t just spring that on someone with no preparation – this isn’t a goddamn Pixar film. If he was a weirdo or an arsebucket I’d probably have an easier time dealing with it, but he’s a decent, genuine bloke that I usually work well with. And am not attracted to in the slightest. Not even on a pity-f**k level.

He’s tried to call a couple of times this evening, and I’ve ignored it…yes it’s a very gutsy thing for him to do, and yes he deserves a more mature response, and yes I feel absolutely bloody awful and I’m probably going to hell. But seriously, isn’t this the kind of thing you should do on your last day of work? We still have a whole month to work together. I know I’m going to have to pull myself together and have an adult conversation with him sooner or later, I just need time to figure out how to stroke his ego and make sure he doesn’t walk away hating women. I don’t mind if he hates me, I just don’t want to rob the world of a bloke who’s willing to put his heart on the line.

If I’m not a lesbian by this time next year, I owe you all a drink.

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14 thoughts on “In a handbasket.

  1. Wow. I had a friend of 4 years spring that one on me, no warning from a coworker…

    I adored him as a friend and I broke his heart. I wish I could’ve given him a shot. I think “I love you” one day wasn’t the right move ON HIS PART. Ball’s in my court, yeah but I felt like I was given no options other than the truth. I respected the guy.

    Had he come up and said, “Know what? We’ve been friends for years and I think I’d like to take you on a date and see where this goes,” I’d probably have laughed my arse off then realized he was serious. Maybe in a couple of days past the shock, I’d have decided to give it a go. But “I love you?” Too hard of a hit for me to recover from and now I’m sorry cos I have no idea where it could’ve gone. Decent guys are hard to find and I knew he was decent 😦

    Going out for a drink with you and your readers sounds awesome. I’ll take you up on that.

    • How sad that you lost a friend 😦 Still, if you can be friends with someone for that long and have no romantic feelings for the guy, maybe you’d never have feelings for him. A straight up “I love you” will freak the hell out of anyone – should be a law against it.

  2. Well … maybe he was going to wait until the last day, but the receptionist beat him to it?

    Really though … I have to wonder about his intelligence level – for saying anything to anyone other than you, not for his feelings towards you of course.

    It’s just for occasions like this for which I have 1500 hours of sick leave built up.

    • He was sending me cryptic messages the day before about needing to speak with me, so I think he was planning on doing it today, receptionist intervention or not. I’m wondering about his intelligence on both counts actually. Good idea about the sick leave, I do have 9 weeks up my sleeve…

  3. Oy. I don’t envy you. I once had a homeless person stagger up the aisle to me on the bus, and slurrily proposed marriage. I felt probably less awkward than you do now. Good luck.

  4. Ouch. Maybe put a huge, stick-on wart on the side of your face or talk loudly to the receptionist about “painful discharge” in his hearing. Best you put him off physically, rather than break his heart.

    Good luck!

    • This is a good idea…although a couple of months ago I showed him my armpits to illustrate how much I let myself go over winter. If that didn’t phase him I’m not sure what would.

  5. Ironic, since it sounds like you’re the one who’s going to need a drink. Not sure what that guy was thinking, telling another coworker instead of you. That seems like a bad idea. I can tell you as someone who has fallen in love with coworkers (twice, and both of them were gay. Sad, right? But that made it easier to keep it a secret. They already had partners so it was pretty much 100 percent not going to work anyway. But one of them made me ginger bread cookies, which was nice) it’s a hard situation no matter how you look at it. Just remember you’ve done nothing wrong and you don’t have an obligation to save this guy’s feelings. Just be honest and kind. As I said, having been on the other side of this, it’s not something I expected to end well anyway, plus you just have to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. I did and I got through it just fine. In fact I saw one of the coworkers the other day, and glad to tell you, I’m not in love with him anymore. But I still think he’s a great friend. 🙂

    • First of all, I’m giving you the massive side-eye for falling for gay men. It’s a bit rough knowing you have a 0% chance! It’s been a bit awkward for a couple off weeks, but you’re right, a sense of humour does help, and we seem to have come out ok. He’s handled the situation better than I have I think!

      • I’m glad it’s working out! Lol about the armpits. Yeah, you would have thought that might scare him away, however, he probably found it endearing!

  6. Pingback: Vale Two Oh One One « Step Into The Light

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