Keeping up with the GOFs

In case anyone is wondering what spending a week with my parents is like, I proffer the following insight:


Dad and I are discussing the moral implications of the pornography industry.

Mum: If I made porn, I’d make the good ones.


Mum and Dad are arguing over the necessity of lighting the fire.

Dad: It’s not cold.

Mum: It’s not for the warmth, it’s for the ambience!

Dad: Have you forgotten how much a trailer load of ambience costs?


Mum and I are comparing the respective weights of her cat and my rabbit.

Dad: So what’s its dressed weight?

Mum: You can buy little clothes for them you know.


Dad and I  reluctantly find ourselves in the tourist quarter of Cairns, crowded with hawkers and overpriced stuffed koalas.

Middle-aged Japanese Masseuse Lady: Sir! Massage, sir?

Dad: No thank you, I’m already a perfect specimen of humanity.


If anyone needs me, I’ll be chewing through my straight jacket.