Keeping up with the GOFs

In case anyone is wondering what spending a week with my parents is like, I proffer the following insight:


Dad and I are discussing the moral implications of the pornography industry.

Mum: If I made porn, I’d make the good ones.


Mum and Dad are arguing over the necessity of lighting the fire.

Dad: It’s not cold.

Mum: It’s not for the warmth, it’s for the ambience!

Dad: Have you forgotten how much a trailer load of ambience costs?


Mum and I are comparing the respective weights of her cat and my rabbit.

Dad: So what’s its dressed weight?

Mum: You can buy little clothes for them you know.


Dad and I  reluctantly find ourselves in the tourist quarter of Cairns, crowded with hawkers and overpriced stuffed koalas.

Middle-aged Japanese Masseuse Lady: Sir! Massage, sir?

Dad: No thank you, I’m already a perfect specimen of humanity.


If anyone needs me, I’ll be chewing through my straight jacket.


14 thoughts on “Keeping up with the GOFs

  1. All seemed like sensible stuff to me. I hope you enjoyed your trip. We were in the area last weekend but didn’t want to intrude of the quality family time.

    • Good grief, there’s nothing ‘quality’ about it 😉 You certainly should stop in next time Mike, we’d have loved to see you both.

  2. I speak wiseguy, so I would fit in perfectly. I picture your family scene similar to mine – sarcastic barbs and uproarioius laughter about the idiots in politics du jour. Although fresh air is necessary at some point…….with my family I know the feeling is mutual.

    • Yeah, I think you’d fit right in! Wiseguy is a good dialect to have in any situation, I feel. A sprinkle of bullshit never hurts either.

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