Updates

Little Sister

Apparently I’ve found myself a film buff. She’s dragged me to see Spiderman, Step Up, Snow White and the Huntsman (aka The Walking Orgasm), Mirror Mirror…she wanted me to take her to Ted, but I convinced her it wasn’t really appropriate and they’d probably revoke my Big Sister licence if I took her to see a movie involving prostitutes shitting on the floor.

There’s such a huge disparity between our values and experiences that often I find it really hard to connect. She told me the other day that sometimes she buys a donut or chips from the local takeaway for breakfast on the way to school. “That’s not very healthy” I said. “Actually it is,” she replied, “I always buy it with a bottle of water.” I didn’t outright contradict her because as we all know, thirteen year olds are the World Authorities of Everything – I just mentioned she could probably have cereal at home, and instead use her $3 to buy something from iTunes. This is what McDonald’s is instilling in your children, people – buy anything with a bottle of water and a salad, and it gets the Heart Foundation tick! Morons.    

 

Cookery

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve been having some kind of paranoid episode about food additives, and have started visiting farmer’s markets and preparing all my meals from scratch. I’m even baking my own bread, for god’s sake. Not from bread mix in a bread maker, but actual flour-yeast-knead-until-your-sternum-fractures bread. It’s not Parisienne bakery quality, but it tastes pretty good with some (additive free) butter and (organic) baked beans. Surprisingly (well, surprising to me), I’ve saved quite a bit of money, and cooking is not nearly as time consuming as I always thought it was. I made chicken and seafood laksa last night in 20 minutes – $24 for four serves. COME AT ME ADULTHOOD.

 

Bunny

I wish someone had told me a long time ago how low maintenance rabbits are. She shares my vegetables, and is whittling away a $15 bail of hay from the feed store that’s lasted five months so far. For that small outlay, she provides endless entertainment – everyone should sit and watch a rabbit at some point in their lives. They’re completely ridiculous.

I’ve read that rabbit litter makes excellent compost, so I invested in a 420L bin and have been throwing bunny by-products into it for a few months. I’ve never actually composted before and have no idea what I’m doing, but I like the overinflated sense of ecological superiority it gives me.

The only problem is the fur. THERE IS FUR ALL OVER MY HOUSE. There’s a fine layer of grey fuzz all over everything, including me. I don’t know how a rabbit can shed fifty times its body weight per hour, but Roman does it in spectacular fashion. Cat and dog fur tends to stick to things, making it fairly easy to vacuum or sweep off. Bunny fur floats. Eventually it forms an imitation ozone layer hovering a few inches below the ceiling, and before you know it the warmer fur floating up from the floor reacts with the cooler fur above, AND IT STARTS RAINING HAIRBALLS. There are fluffy tumbleweeds the size of my head blowing around the house. 

She still won’t let me pick her up, but her vaccinations aren’t until February so I’ll worry about it then.

 

Boyz

I’m internet dating again! I haven’t done it since 2010, and curiosity (and possibly boredom and too much merlot) has got the better of me. I have a date next week with a guy whose parents have a pony farm. PONIES!!!

Stop judging my values.