Inga’s Movie Review Corner: Frozen (Disney, 2013)

Now I’m no expert on Disney Princesses. I was nine before I saw my first ever Disney Princess movie: Beauty & the Beast at the now defunct Cairns Five Cinemas. I think I enjoyed it, but to be honest I was probably more enraptured with the size of the screen than with the magic of Belle, considering our TV at the time was a tiny 8″ bug zapper. To this day, I haven’t seen Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Pocahontas, Lion King…in fact just about every movie available for children in the 90’s, because turning on the VCR involved cranking up the diesel generator, and one does not turn on the generator simply to watch a movie. I suspect this is why, as a childfree 31-year-old, my DVD collection looks like this:

Image

So while I don’t have the relevant viewing experience to verify the claim, Frozen supposedly represents a new era for Disney because for once, the Princess saves her own arse and doesn’t marry a bloke she met three minutes ago. Also, the “true love” trope takes an unexpected turn when the protagonist falls in love with her own sister. Or realises the strength of familial loyalty, or something. I dunno, I was too busy swishing my hair and flinging open doors and drawling “the cold never bothered me anyway.”

Anyway, I had trouble getting on board the whole thing because:

a)      I don’t buy the “sisterly love” angle. Elsa was a horrible big sister. Your parents die in a horrific boating accident, and you can’t drag your emo arse out of your bedroom to comfort your baby sister? Poor Anna’s been asking you to come out and play for like, ten years, and she’s been wearing the same clothes since she was six, for Pete’s sake. And when you finally deign to notice her, you cock-block her new boyfriend and then try to kill her. Twice. That’s not love; that’s some Gallagher-level bitchery right there.

b)      Disney finally points out how silly it is to fall in love with a guy you’ve just met. However it’s perfectly acceptable to fall in love with one you met 24 hours before, especially if he respects the fact that you already have a boyfriend and doesn’t try to stick his hand down your blouse. That, my girls, is TRUE LOVE – not common courtesy, basic decency or anything so mundane.

c)       Elsa should’ve died. Or the snowman should’ve died. Or the reindeer. Somebody should’ve died – seriously, there’s not enough death in kid’s movies any more. I’m pissed off that an entire generation will grow up never knowing the heart-wrenching anguish we felt when Artax gave in to the sadness.

Despite my quibbles, I’m not ashamed to admit I’m completely obsessed with the soundtrack:

What woman hasn’t wanted to strut through the halls of her imaginary ice-mansion, wearing a cape and negligee, mincing her malnourished hips and belting out the virtues of being gay yourself in a voice surprisingly unaffected by the temperature, altitude, and the fact that she just scaled a goddamn mountain?

If you’re having a shit day, just sing that last chorus. Go on.

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13 thoughts on “Inga’s Movie Review Corner: Frozen (Disney, 2013)

  1. Like you, the 1st Disney film I saw was in the 90: but I’m in my 40s. Can’t say it was due to electricity. Brother, 8 years older, saw all of them in theatres coming up (they took him to the nearest town). Girls didn’t count. We were meant to be like Cinderella but cleverly due to keeping that story from me, I was in my 20s before I sorted that!

    I liked Frizen for the beauty of it, I mean aesthetics. I was bored by the story and it took 4 viewings to make it through but I reckon I’m beyond Disney hope by middle age. I also am clueless why people go to Disney World and Land. People say, ‘oooo! But it’s so good for adults, too!’ I think they mean ones who remember something pleasanter about childhood. Meh.

    I haven’t seen most of the newer ones but if people tell me I really should, I might. I liked that fish one and Up.

  2. Haa! We had a bug zapper TV too (and a real bug zapper near our cheap pool). I think I found Disney’s themes to be somewhat inaccessible, although the clothing was fab. My grandma was an antiques dealer so I was obsessed with comics like Little Dot and Top Cat. I’m sure I saw lots of Disney movies but not in the theatres.

    • I’m still finding their themes inaccessible – all that true love and perfect hair and funny, loyal sidekicks…give me a Disney princess with a mortgage and a nicotine addiction being sexual harassed by a work colleague.

      • *Snort seriously, where’s all the princesses with bad teeth and no dental insurance……those magic sparkling whites don’t get maintained for free.

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