Here we go again…

Just when you thought there was a limit to how many half-finished travelogues one woman could write, in a fortnight I’ll be launching into another international caper.

Carry on old chaps, I’m off to London! And Paris, for a wee bit. Or ‘oui’ bit.

My fabulous, infamous homegirl Nikki entered one of those “Like and Share for your CHANCE TO WIN!” competitions on Facebook, and contrary to all the laws of the internetz she actually WON. Two tickets to the three day Wireless music festival, and return flights for two to London. I suspect she only chose me to come because she knows for a fact we can survive a long-haul flight without tit-punching each other…although having said that, this journey exceeds our Vegas flying time by another 9 hours, so one or both of us may end up needing a mastectomy. But frankly, one boob seems a small price to pay for a free trip across the pond.

We’re spending a couple of nights in London, then a couple of nights in Paris, and then another week in London. A couple of people have helpfully pointed out that we’re not spending enough time there, and we should expand our travel itinerary because London is the perfect base from which to explore Europe and the UK in its entirety. These people are clearly either zillionaires or idiots. Our air fares may have been free, but everything else is costing a small fortune. And that’s before we’ve taken into account the obligatory mugging by Romanian gypsies in Paris.

Neither of us have any idea what to expect or what we’re going to do. We’re not good at the usual touristy endeavours – we tend to wander aimlessly until we stumble on some excitement, then find ourselves being driven home in the tray of some guy’s ute in Rarotonga, or drinking pink liquor in a Dominican drug dealer’s penthouse suite in Las Vegas. I like to think we’re the kind of travellers who immerse ourselves in the local culture, connecting with the locals and bypassing the superficial tourist facade. This sounds much classier than “that pair of drunk bitches that talks to everything with a wang.” National Geographic should be paying us for this shit, I tell you.


14 thoughts on “Here we go again…

  1. Well, you managed to go to japan & America (well, Vegas anyway …) without causing any international incidents – here’s hoping you can do the same in England and France. I don’t think there’s much you can do to offend the French, but please, Inga, resist all temptation to moon the Queen. You might, after all, get sent to a penal colony …

    Have fun, and I look forward to reading about your adventures when you finally post them sometime in 2017.

    • Oh GOM, I would never moon Her Majesty, I’m a devoted subject. William, on the other hand..well, he’s going to cop an eyeful of everything. (there goes my airport ride, again)

      Better make it 2018, I don’t want to overextend myself.

  2. Justine has nothing on you ladies! I think it would be a blast to have a travel show actually.

    I am so happy for you! London is ghastly expensive – but you’ll have an amazing time no matter what you choose. My boyfriend and I have sort of become the “find a hidden treasure in the city” queens so I’ll forward you any good stuff we find on the interwebs.

    Maybe your trip to Paris could be all about tasting wine a-la Paul Giamatti. If you haven’t seen Sideways, oh please do watch it before that trip to Paris.

    • LOVE a good hidden treasure – if you see anything interesting do send it on! 🙂

      There will most definitely be wine involved in Paris. I’m feeling a bit intimidated though – I love wine, but I’m a total ignoramus on the subject. I imagine Parisians to be total wine snobs, and may look down their nose at me drinking my $5 merlot from a tin travel mug (seriously, I bought collapsible travel mugs for wine picnicking).

      Will check out Sideways – might be one to watch on the plane!

  3. London’s AWESOME.

    Paris, well, is full of snotty, rude French people. I can offer this advice: skip seeing Versailles. It’s a full day of walking, and after a while each sumptuously-appointed room looks just like the next. The gardens are nice, but again with the walking, only in the brutal afternoon sun. I regret not going to the top of the Eiffel Tower and getting French onion soup instead. OH! Do go see the Moulin Rouge. That is definitely worth it.

    Both cities are ridiculously expensive, so I highly recommend buying a couple fifths of booze at a store for in-room cocktails.

    • I can’t wait to be snotty and rude! We’re definitely going to do the Eiffel Tower, everything else…well, we’ll see how long the lines are. I’m not a good queue-er.

      Apparently drinks are cheaper than in Australia, which doesn’t surprise me because our liquor is taxed through the roof. We’d pay about $40 for a “fifth” of vodka here.

      • Kim’s right, at least as far as London’s concerned; get loaded in your room on a carry-out from a nearby off-licence or convenience store and then go out to the bars later in the evening when you don’t feel the need to throw booze down your neck so quickly. And if anyone tries to charge you for tap water in a bar the correct response should not involve any more than two words, the second of which should always be “off.” (That’s assuming you’re the type to put the odd glass of water down throughout a night out to extend your endurance, as it were!). 😀

  4. No need to use London as a base to tour Europe; these days you can experience pretty much every culture on Earth there – except the British one (what’s left of it)! Just steer clear of Tower Hamlets unless you’re wearing a full-length sack.

    Sink a few jars in Waxy O’Connors just off Leicester Square on Brewer Street then work your way round the pubs up through Soho to Oxford Street, hang a right until you hit the Tottenham Court Road then, if you can still maintain a vertical posture, cut back down through to Covent Garden, where the Punch & Judy is a good stop-off.

    Have a blast – you’ll be financially poorer for it but so much richer in many other ways!

    • You’re so right Simon – after a couple of hours we were already joking that nobody in London is actually British. Such a fascinating place.

      Many a jar was sunk. Crikey Moses, you people make drinking an art form…we did Soho, Camden, Vauxhall, Leicester Square, Kings Cross…umm, probably some other places as well, but they all blended together in the end. So much fun!

          • I think changes to the law and the general clean-up for the Eurostar terminal has largely seen off the kerb-crawlers and with it the red-light aspect. Not necessarily bad as most of the girls were young runaways with no roof and/or a habit and hooking to feed it/eat. I s’pose the problem just got moved elsewhere rather than being solved, sadly.

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